And here I am, 51 years!
I love Birthdays, and I love to celebrate. I miss the times when I would plan my kids' themed birthday parties, they have since said "no more theme parties Mom". I would go all out, from the cake, which I always make myself, to the loot bags, invites, food, and decorations. If sugar wasn't so bad for Cancer I would probably make a cake for myself, and eat it too!
My tiny frame hides my years, I used to loathe having to say my age. I'm not embarrassed to be old but the reaction I get most times is shock that I look young when I'm that old, is awkward. Some of us dread ageing, but there is nothing I want more on my 51st Birthday than to be given a chance to get old, let me correct that - older. I would like to experience "senior moments".
From here on in, every birthday is a victory, everyday is, but when you reach another milestone year then it's really BIG.
I've had quite a year, it's been very difficult, confusing, challenging, uplifting, informative, surprising, etc., It's just a slew of emotions, and endless work to keep the Cancer stable, and home life balanced.
But, hey I'm living and I'm not taking that for granted. I'm not saying everyone else is not "living" but those of us with chronic illness, we can't take things for granted, we may not be able to do as much, but we do "live" more. We have to make the best of what we have left. When I was diagnosed with stage 4 Lung Cancer, I learned the real possibility of not being around to celebrate my birthday. When you've got Cancer, you can't help but ask "Is this going to be my last birthday"?
It was a long year, I had to live it one day at a time, survive it one day at a time, and that I've reached 51 is the sweetest thing, without the sugar!
Happy Birthday to me :) !
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years. -Abraham Lincoln
Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been. - Mark Twain
Thank You for all the birthday greetings!