|waiting for my turn|
|i will never get used to that thing, absolutely hate it|
Sometimes things don't always play out as planned or as we had hoped. I was given 9 infusions every other week of the new, very expensive drug Nivolumab. I had two CT scans 3 weeks apart. The results, unfortunately, didn't make me jump with delight. The cancer progressed despite our efforts. We could have given up after the first scan, but the Oncology team wanted to know for sure that what they see is not just an inflammation from the drug, they were hoping it just gets worse before it gets better. The second scan confirmed our worst nightmare though, that it is indeed a progression and with mets on the left lung, which moves me back to stage 4. The new predicted time I have - 6 months without treatment. With the rare mutation I have, there isn't a lot of conventional options left, the team is frantically searching for clinical trials. I'm still actively pursuing alternatives. My Oncologist gave me the option to go back to chemo, but a different cocktail this time, a combination of Docetaxel (Taxotere), taken intravenously and Vargatef (Nintedanib), taken orally. These are both very toxic and would only give me a few months more, if it even works. I know it's there as an option, but I have turned it down. So the drug didn't work......next please, but not that.
It is very upsetting, the news is a big blow to me and my efforts. I have reached milestones in this journey but I'm still running short. I came back from the meeting despondent and crestfallen. My 13 yr. old daughter sat beside me and asked if I could watch a video with her. This alone renewed my conviction to keep going, because after all, hey, I'm still breathing, and I want to live so my daughter can watch as many videos with her Mom as she wants. I've got new things in my arsenal that could be the breakaway I'm looking for, I hope I find my path real soon. Here's wishing the next update will be better.
Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. Desmond Tutu
We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.
Thich Nhat Hanh
Thich Nhat Hanh
If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell. ~Lance Armstrong
|everything is as it should be and this obstacle simply is part of my path|